What's next?

With the summer drawing to a close for me, it was time to direct my focus towards school. School in two respects, one for teaching and the other for learning as I started my first class towards my PhD on September first.
I have been putting some time management skills to the test. I was overwhelmed the first week back with helping Dave, starting work and adusting to teaching conditions that are less than ideal. I started having the recurring dream that I had years ago: standing on the beach or swimming in the ocean, it's usually one or the other, when the big set of waves come in and I start to get a panicky feeling in my chest like I may not come up for another breath of air, and then watching in dread, the tsunami rolls in, knowing I am powerless to avoid it's wrath. Luckily, I wake up just as the crest of the wave is curling over me. I remind myself to stay calm, I just need time to adjust to the pressure and demand of work due. A friend recently posted this picture on facebook about the new facebook layout, not my major life change, but it sums up my career and the pursuit of the PhD perfectly:

I went through steps 1 through 5 over the past 3 weeks, I would say I am at a solid step 6 now. Old habits die hard. For the past, what, 10 years? I've been training for and racing some kind of long distance endurance event. From Ironman to half's, back to Ironman a couple more times, to focusing on the BQ and marathoning, there really hasn't been a time where I'm not in the pursuit of some kind of lofty athletic goal. This summer I raced some short sprints but I still trained to run long, out of habit mostly. I signed up for a fall half marathon out of habit too and why not? I was running well, I was fitting the training in and feeling good. Then reality happened.

My teaching job is not the same. For the last few years our class sizes have steadily been increasing. 25 went to 28 for a few years and then last year up to 30. We knew it was going to be difficult this year. After excessing close to 100 teachers in my district, we have many empty classrooms that were once filled with students. The students are still there, 35-36 students per class for those of us that are left. It makes a big impact on how smoothly a class runs. It's not that the students are bad kids, there is just too many of them. There isn't enough space to move, there isn't enough lab equipment. I have 5-6 students sitting at a lab table built for 4. It takes a few minutes to get everyone calmed down at the beginning of the period. In general, they are excited about my class, they enjoy it, I can manage the room but it takes a lot more time to get them and keep them on task. I have more students than ever that have special needs, with classroom and testing modifications simply because there is less of us teaching. My fear is knowing that I cannot get to them all, that some may slip through the cracks and I'm horrified by that thought. I care about how well the students do, I want them to learn to think critically to become good citizens. I want them to learn as much as possible and it is taking more energy to manage that learning and to maintain a positive learning environment. This is what the public and the lawmakers do not understand. This is the problem with having non-education people deciding the policies and procedures for teachers. This is going to be our undoing in this country. We are already behind in math and science compared to the rest of the world. The government is concerned with the dollar and these short fixes by slashing the budget for schools and education is going to be difficult to recover from. I know economic times are difficult for everyone, I don't want my taxes increasing either but we have to do something about frivolous spending. This is a rich country, we need some people running it who can manage the money better. Posted on fb by another friend:

U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000

• Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000
• New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000
• National debt: $14,271,000,000,000• Recent budget cut: $ 38,500,000,000
Now, remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget …
• Annual family income: $21,700
• Money the family spent: $38,200
• New debt on the credit card: $16,500
• Outstanding balance on credit card: $142,710
• Total budget cuts: $385

**sigh** I'm not sure what the answer is. I try to vote for the people I think will help manage things best, we need educational reform. We need government reform too it seems. The class I am taking this fall is called 'the history of science education'. The scariest thing I am learning is that we are still following the same format as the National Education Association outlined in 1899. Yes, you read that correctly, decisions made more than a century ago regarding what and how things are taught in our schools are still in place today. In NY, ten years ago, the policy makers made the worst decision in making the regents level classes the basic graduation requirements. Instead of the higher status they held, they are now the lowest requirement and to make sure that the kids can graduate, they continue to lower the scaled score on the tests. Last year, Living Environment was considered a passed test if the student scored 37 out of 85 possible points. So basically a 45 is a 65. Who is this helping??? If the kids can't do it, they can't. Why dumb everything down? Taking a regents exam in NYS used to mean something, now it's just a joke. I teach more than required and my students have a phenomenal passing rate, most achieving "mastery"- an 85 or better. So what? The test is meaningless and this is how the government wants to evaluate teachers, by dumbed down tests that a 6th grader could pass. Of course I'm highly effective with a 98% passing rate on a meaningless exam. This is why I am pursuing a PhD, hopefully I can raise the standards in the future. It's tough to go up against century old dogma though.
Anyway, there's that stress. I'm making the best of it. Each day I wake up, I tell myself it's a new day with new opportunities to make a difference in some kids life. I can't help them all, but hopefully I'll make an impact on a few, to be successful adults in the future.
Fitting in time for exercise with a looming presentation, a final paper I am researching, and keeping up with the extra grading I have at work has been tough. I do find the time though, I have to. I get cranky when I don't exercise. It's weird though, I am working out 5 days per week, mostly running four and bike once but I feel like I'm not doing much of anything at all. The bonus is I am eating less because I don't need the extra calories. I am being careful about my food choices and as a result I dropped 5 pounds this month by actually exercising less. The obsessive part of me was struggling with not fitting in 2 hours of exercise a day. I'm on the 30-45 minute short and sweet schedule, but I am realizing how addicted I was to exhausting myself on a daily basis and for the first time in awhile I have more energy when I'm finished, which is the way it's supposed to be. It's tough to break the old habits though. Once an Ironman, always an Ironman. It's a fallicy that exercise needs to be to total depletion yet it's hard to force myself to stop sometimes. I remind myself of what my goals are and the only thing I have planned so far is the Run for the Ridley 5k in October. Short and fast is manageable for me right now. I think a 10k will be in order in November. It will keep me interested and I need that goal driven workout schedule, however scaled back. Making the time to train is important to me. First, it clears my hyperactive brain so that I can think straight, and secondly I am completely addicted to the endorphins and the health benefits that training has given me over the years. I will make the time, for me, training is akin to brushing my teeth. Has to be done but I do so with a sense of relief as my competitiveness on the "court" is replaced by competitiveness in the classroom. So what's next for me as far as sport? I've given it some thought and I am really liking the idea of trail running and racing this winter. As for now, I am enjoying a break from a regular schedule and basically doing what I feel like, although this won't last long. I've gotten my feet under me in school and in class, I'm ready to commit to racing again. First up is the Ridley and hopefully it will cool off soon! This relentless humidity is a killer. I want to get back in the trails! I've been thinking about some different kind of racing next year and it's a possbility that I may run the Hyner challenge in April, definitely the off road half marathon in Montauk in May and the Greenbelt 25k in mid May sound like fine ideas. Since strapping on a pair of shoes and literally running out the door is the easiest thing to do for the time crunched, I will be running at least 4 days per week. I like the idea of getting on the mountain bike and goofing around for a change and made some plans to race some Xterra triathlons next year but we'll see. I may also be in class this summer. I've been strength training three days per week which may also account for the fat loss. Less cardio time, more strength based exercise, more balance. That's the update as to what's going on with me. Have to get back to some informative blog posts about training related topics. Please suggest one! Thanks for reading today and happy training!